Kids Now Days

Close your eyes.  Closed?  Good.  Now imagine yourself in the average American high school.  Don’t be scared; this is just your imagination.  I’m not sending you back to when you rocked the Flock of Seagulls hairdo or when you won first prize for pinning the bottoms of your jeans the tightest.  Those were the days…anyhoo…I digress.  So, there you are in the middle of rush-hour hall traffic amidst the banging lockers, the rushing sound of sneakered feet, the combined smell of perfume and body odor, and the occasional butt crack playing peek-a-boo from jeans dangling between some “homie’s” knees.  Breathe it all in.  Take a good look; this, my readers, is our future. 

                Wipe the perspiration from your brows and the tears from your eyes.  Take it from me, a person who spends 180 days with the above species, not all hope is lost.  True, teenagers do think using the “f-word” is appropriate in school, and they do think that what goes wrong in their life is everybody else’s fault, but in spite of all this, they are good people.  Most of them.  We might not like their music (if you can call it that), or their sense of fashion (skinny jeans?  Really?), or their pension for swearing (a sure sign of a low IQ), but look back 10, 15, 20 years ago…were we really that different?  According to our parents and other elders, we listened to weird music (Ace of Base, anybody?), we wore ridiculous clothing (need I even mention the 80s and early 90s?), and we tested the waters on our own vocabulary.  In spite of the horrible futures our parents saw for us, we turned out okay.  Most of us. 

I know it’s hard to overlook the baggy pants, but that kid might just be the class genius.  That girl who sports the “goth” look might just be hiding her own insecurities.  You may silently judge a chubby teenage girl eating a BigMac at your local McDonalds, but what you might not realize is that she’s simply trying to find comfort from a nasty text she received from the school bully.  For the thirtieth time.  On a Saturday.  That All-American athlete down the block from you just might have a serious drug problem trying to cope with the stress of being competitive on the field and in the classroom.  Those pesky teen boys who play their music too loud?  Maybe they’re listening to Christian rock music. 

So the next time you are tempted to spout the old adage “kids now days”, just transport yourself back.  Did you drive your Trans-Am a little too fast?  Did you listen to Motley Crew a little too loudly?  Did you struggle with balancing work and school?  Were you bullied?  If you answered “yes” to one or more of those questions, remember to take it easy on the younger generation.  Besides, people are going to think you’re old, wrinkly, and smell like pee if you don’t lighten up!

Don’t be afraid…spill your favorite or not so favorite high school moments.  Did you rock the hair band hair?  Did you have the mall bangs?  If so, tell all!!!!

Does Mr. Darcy Really Exist?

Mr. Darcy.  This one name is synonymous with male perfection.  What is it that makes women swoon at just hearing this man’s name?  Maybe it’s the rockin’ sideburns or maybe it’s the Regency period manners.  Either way, Jane Austen probably never knew that one of her most famous literary characters would still capture the female heart hundreds of years after she created him. 

                It’s not that I dream of Mr. Darcy every night, although, that wouldn’t be a painful fate; I just appreciate a good sexy man with “gentlemen-like” manners…what lady wouldn’t?  But just as my title asks, does such a man exist today?  Did he ever exist? 

                To answer this world-changing quandary, let’s take a look at some basic facts and do some comparing.

Scenario One:                                                                                                   

Modern Man:  Long loud obnoxious fart followed with either a self-pleased smile or “There must have been an elephant under my chair.”

Mr. Darcy:  Would have rather had his sideburns shaved off than fart in the presence of a lady.

Scenario Two:

Modern Man:  As a woman walks in the room the modern man remains sitting and manages one of the following:  a curt head incline, full body scan, or a Joey-esque “How you doing?”

Mr. Darcy:  As a lady walked in the room, Mr. Darcy immediately stood, made eye contact, and bowed. 

Scenario Three:

Modern Man:  Finds a woman attractive and does anything and everything in his power to seduce this woman and create a physical relationship.

Mr. Darcy:  After finding the woman he loved, he did anything and everything in his power to court her properly, proving to her that he loved her for her, not necessarily her other assets. 

                Some might think I’m being too severe on the male sex.  You’d be right.  At what point did men think that women no longer needed to be treated like ladies?  Maybe it’s our fault, ladies.  Maybe, in the process of equal opportunities (of which I’m in total agreement) we lost ourselves.  Men are too frightened anymore to hold the door open or act in other chivalrous ways for fear of being reprimanded.  So, women, lighten up, and let your husband or fiancée treat you like the lady you are.  And just maybe, if you treat him like HE is your Mr. Darcy, your marriage or relationship just might hit new heights.  Who knows, you might start wearing the empire-waist dress!  And, really, every woman wants to see their man in tights!!!

                For you men, don’t just sit here reading!  Go find your woman, and treat her like the lady you know she is.  Magical things just might happen!