Gentlemen, this scenario is for you. There are two doors in front of you. Behind one door stands a voluptuous woman with all the right curves in all the right places. Behind the other door stands a size zero actress whose really only claim to fame is the fact that people stop her in the streets to count her ribs. As you wait in anticipation for your chosen door to open, which woman are you rooting for?
Billboards, magazine articles, internet, and various forms of visual entertainment assail us with broomstick size women and claim that this is now the “sexy” shape. We are led to believe that a woman who is larger or, gasp, might have cellulite is unattractive to the male sex. I happen to know different because I am married to the most wonderful man who loves me and finds me sexy even after my body has gone through two pregnancies. Sadly, my reaction to his constant compliments and “come-hither” looks, often sounds like this: “You are delusional! Besides, you are married to me so you have to say that.” His response is often flicking me in the arm and walking away. Why can’t I take my husband’s words for truth? Partly because all my life I’ve been led to believe that in order for anybody to find me attractive, I must fit the cookie-cutter mold created by Hollywood.
This morning my sister showed me a picture of four current Hollywood actresses in bikinis. From the looks of things, I could maybe fit the bottoms on my wrist! These four actresses’ pictures were compared to four iconic actresses from the past in swimsuits. Marilyn Monroe and Elizabeth Taylor ring a bell? At what point have we as a society allowed sex symbols to become nothing more than emaciated wet-dogs?
Writing this brings me back to a shopping moment I had a couple of months ago. There I was searching through the size 10 jeans, happy as a clam that I was finally down to a size 10!!! A size I hadn’t seen since high school. As I said, I was excitedly searching for those “make-my-butt-delicious” jeans when from the far end of the rack I heard this: “Oooooo, these size zeros are just TOO big!” This wasn’t said in a repentant nor humble manner. This woman’s tone of voice was more akin to some bimbo off of Jersey Shore. Even though I didn’t know this woman’s name nor particularly care about her name, I allowed her snooty comment to pee on my parade. As she waltzed out of the store with her equally stick-figured friend, I looked at the jeans in my hand I had just seconds before couldn’t wait to put on and scowled at them. Dejectedly I slammed then back on the rack and stared longingly at the size 8 pair. If only I could fit into those size 8s…THEN I would be hot and sexy.
This is just one of a million moments that attack our senses and make us doubt our inner sexiness. We must embrace our curves and dents and lumps, because if we don’t, no one will embrace us either. Men, there is also an assignment for you: you must tell your wife, fiancée, or girlfriend (whether she’s a size zero or a size 24…doesn’t matter) that they are beautiful, and whenever you pass her in the kitchen or when she’s bending over to take laundry out of the dryer, give her hinder a little squeeze. She might slap at you and tell you to knock it off, but don’t. Ever.
I suspect I have evolved over generations to find less body-fat attractive. When we had to run for prey and from predictors a leaner body would have been beneficial, for obvious reasons.
ReplyDeleteDo you think this could be the case?
This is a plausible explanation, although we weren't hunting on foot for food during the era of Marilyn Monroe who was known for her hourglass figure. This hourglass figure is supposed to subconsciously attract men because this means that women will be able to bear children. So on a biological standing, women who starve themselves to be a walking skeletons are doing the exact opposite of what is "supposed" to drive men wild. But maybe men who go after these emaciated women have no thoughts of actually having children with them:) Thanks for you comment and feel free to give more!
DeleteEvolution happens over millions of years, not the course of a few generations. Society has a much larger impact on what we perceive as attractive.
DeleteIt isn't down to too skinny or too big, nor the label 'real women' - 'real men' or anything guilty of grouping and dis-empowering. I think it is about healthy bodies. Healthy bodies are happy, fit and attractive bodies and size 0 nor size 20 is what I'd consider healthy. Both to me would be a sign of some kind of body image problem.
ReplyDeleteLove your body regardless of size but don't fall into a pattern of acting like self satisfying egomaniacs who feel we deserve everything and reward ourselves for nothing. Part of this is media and advertising but we should know better. It is all about restraint a sensible thinking. That size zero girl likely has had to do some strange things to get and stay there and will not be happy with her body sometimes. The exact same applies to the size 20. Both of them should show some restraint and sense.
I'd be concerned with your thinking about wanting to be a size 8 instead of a size 10 because that would be sexier. I tend to see it as I'd rather be healthier. Fitter. Better rested. More relaxed. Have better skin. Better hair. Plenty of things which I expect people have looked at and thought since time immemorial but not simple size.
Would people please use a name of some sort! I help maintain this site. I want to keep it open for discussion. Having said that especially if you plan on attacking someone please use a name and refer to them by the name they use. I don't want to delete posts because an anonymous person is making incendiary comments. This blog is intended to be a light hearted interpretation of life through the eyes of a mother and a wife.
ReplyDeletehow can you say its light hearted chad when its basically condemning people who live healthy lifestyles and and who like attractive people? just because the author thinks shes being funny and clever, doesn't mean people don't find it just as ridiculous. though i do appreciate that you aren't deleting comments with dissenting opinions or even the ones that are inflammatory. if this is an "interpretation of life" why are most of the posts weight related? its not about life, it seems more like an over-weight persons attempt to get people to tell her shes pretty. like how she included herself in the "all-american beauty" poll; by the way Kiera Knightly and Kate Winslet arn't American. it makes you guys look foolish and her look like an extremely depressed attention seeker.
ReplyDeleteDear David Davidson,
DeleteThere seems to be a communication error between my writing and your reading. So I will re-explain it: First off, I am not an advocate of obesity. It is unhealthy and yes, unattractive. I am an advocate, however, of sensible body images and healthy weight. As for the "me" on the poll...that was meant for someone to vote for themselves:) If I would have wanted people to vote for me, I would have put my name "Jessica". And the actresses I chose: I was rushing to make my Sunday deadline and picked two actresses that were on the opposite sides of the weight spectrum...I did not even think twice about it. But I appreciate the correction. Lastly, I'm not sure what you meant by all my blogs were about weight. This was my first one about weight. The other ones were about what parents say, greeting rituals, and houseplants. I assure you, David, that I am comfortable with who I am and that is a woman who loves to write and is interested in connecting with people around the world. I hope you can understand that and respect that. You don't have to agree with me, but please refrain from making derogatory comments towards me.
Thank you for reading my blog. I hope that you check back in the future for other posts.
David, last time I checked, if your bones are protruding from your skin and you look like you are living in a starving country, that is not healthy! It's funny how some people can outwardly say hurtful things to someone when it's not to their face, but rather on a blog. Would you and others like you who write to put people down say these things to someone in person? Probably not, but it's so easy here on a blog to put others down to make you feel good about yourself. And since when is a size ten obese? Last time I checked that's average for women!
DeleteJessica, don't worry about stupid posts like that, they don't even know you, nor are they worth a second thought from any of us. Love you and please keep up the blogs.... They are so true and funny?
I have been forced to reset the settings to not allow anonymous postings. Unfortunately at least one person has been harassing my wife with numerous attacks. We are sorry for the inconvenience.
ReplyDeleteChad Berg
I didn't realize that the entire nation of US decided that inanimate objects were hot and sexy.
ReplyDeleteComparing a girl's body to a broomstick is just as damaging as comparing her to a whale. You should know, since you're a 'fat acceptance' blog. It's very hypocritical of you to not accept skinny girls, but to love and accept fat girls. I mean, isn't the whole point of your blog about embracing society's norms and abnorms? Isn't fat acceptance supposed to be about loving your body for what shape, size, and length it is? I just don't get how you can sit here and rip about skinny women, and then not expect some backlash.
Do you know how distressing it is to go on websites about celebrities and boards like /fit/ where all they do is talk about how sexy CURVY women are real women and how FIT and LEAN bodies are beautiful and how SKIN and BONES is just ugly or FAT is just sickening? I imagine you do, since you're fat.
Well, I'm skinny. Super skinny. I did a lot of crash dieting when I was younger (around 14) because some stupid guy on a stupid website told me that my stomach looked gross. And then I thought, well, it does. And I began to obsess on it. And that's when I developed unhealthy eating habits. And I ended up in a hospital.
And now I'm here, in an ED residential home. It makes me so furious to see fat women bashing on skinny women, or skinny women bashing on fat women, etc etc. I love that you're trying to get people to accept all body types. But you have no fucking right judging other women's body types when you yourself have been judged.
And not every man thinks that a woman needs to be super thin or super fat or super healthy or super curvy to be sexy.
You're just trying to start shit. Knock it off.
cakewtf, I'm sorry to hear that you developed an eating disorder in response to comments from a jerk online. Clearly you know how painful words can be. That why it surprises me that you call Jess fat in your post above. Not only is that rude and unkind, it's also NOT true.
DeleteI also don't think that she was bashing skinny people. I think she was simply commenting on the sad fact that we as women tend to tear themselves down by comparing ourselves to each other. Instead of feeling great about being down to her high school size, she beat herself up for not being skinny enough.
Just my two cents.
Marilyn Monroe and Elizabeth Taylor ring a bell?
ReplyDeleteSee: http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2011-06-24/hollywood-auction-ends-myth-of-zaftig-marilyn-virginia-postrel.html
Well, My wife wears a size 0 or 2 long jeans. If so-called 'stick-figures' are supposed to be the in thing, then why are there only ever 1 or 2 pairs of pants in the entire mall that will fit properly? I think the accepted norm for body shape/size is reflected by the locally available clothing in the stores. Unfortunately for local businesses that cater to the largess of society, they are ignoring entire subsets of the population that have been marginalized to the point of needing to find clothing that will fit online. BTW, in today's sizes, Marilyn Monroe would be a size 6. There are a lot worse things that can happen to you than merely being a size 10 or whatever. If you didn't envy thin people, then they wouldn't bother you. The Hollywood body 'mold' is a fantasy made possible by plastic surgeons on Rodeo Drive. Get over it and move on. P.S. I like your blogs, sans the 'emaciated wet-dog' comment.
ReplyDeleteThank you veritzombie. My wife is beautiful. I can see by your comment that you feel the same way about your wife. The reality is there is no "norm". Some woman fight to lose weight while others fight to gain it. Woman are beautiful. One thing I've learned by hanging out with my male friends is there is no clear cut line as to what guys find beautiful. Some guys like a lady that is stick thin, others prefer a woman with more "stuff" to grab a hold of. What I find attractive may not be what you find attractive. Isn't this a good thing? Again, thank you for your comment. I hope to speak with you in the future so make sure you check back every Wednesday and Sunday!
ReplyDeleteHey Chad, Veritzombie is my twitter handle, don't take the responses to your wife's blog too personally, later, Matt Bernau
DeleteEnjoy your blog Jessica, didn't once cross my mind reading it that this was a "fat bashing" or "skinny insulting" blog post. Goodness people, no need to be rude, just enjoy reading it & back off a little! Keep up the good work, Jessica. You are very talented.
ReplyDeleteAfter all of the controversy this blog has created in the cyber world I thought I’d check it out. I have read it over several times trying to take in all of the opinions of all the commenters. I think things have been way blown out of proportion. My interpretation of this blog is that the author was simply stating her opinion on the way media bombards women (and men) with the perfect image. Isn’t that what a blog is supposed to be, one individuals opinion. Nowhere in this entire blog did I come across a statement made by the author that she hates skinny women. I’d like to point out that there is a difference between skinny and bony. A size 0 woman is very skinny, but when she wears a tank-top you couldn’t sit and count every vertebra in her back. She is still beautiful (all women are beautiful). However the actresses referred to are not simply skinny, they are unhealthy (seeing every bone in the body is not good, just as being obese is not). If you doubt me, just look up a recent picture of Kiera Knightley (not one from when she did Pirates movies). If you still need more proof check out a recent picture of Claire Danes or Nicole Ritchie. As a young woman I know the kind of pressure media puts on young girls. I have friends who literally starved themselves to look like some of the supper skinny actresses. As a teacher, I’m sure the author witnesses young teenagers doing the same.
ReplyDeleteReferring to the incident the author had in a store, I interpreted that she was disappointed in herself for letting someone else determine how she felt about herself. As a woman who is neither tiny nor large, I feel that this post is about accepting yourself no matter what size you are. The author is simply a size ten, so of course she is going to write about how she allows people who are size zeros or twos discourage her. If she was a size sixteen, I’m sure she would have written about how women who are size tens discourage her. Not that she “hates them.” She simply needs to realize that they are they and she is she. Similarly I’m sure there are women who are size fours who wish they could drop a size. The blog is simply about knowing what is healthy for you. Every person in the world has an ideal weight. Some women are built to have size zero bodies, and others are built to have size eights. But, as women we allow media to determine what is ideal for us. That is all this blog is about.
I truly believe that the author didn’t mean any harm or didn’t wish to start anything. This is an obvious conclusion when one takes the time to read her others blogs (which I find absolutely hilarious…especially as a “house plant hater”). As a blogger, she writes about things that inspire her, strike her as interesting, or challenge her in her daily life. Falling in a ditch when she sees a smaller sized woman is something she struggles with, and she was trying to give women with similar problems a place to talk openly about them.
P.S. As readers, it is our right to criticize writings. However, we are all adults and we are mature enough to handle commenting as such. To disagree is one thing, but to blatantly say “you’re fat” is not mature or useful. Disliking the blog is totally acceptable; state your opinions but try to handle the responsibility of acting like an adult.