Words of Wisdom Part 1 of…

“If you pretend to pee on the wall one more time, we’re done playing!”  My calm, “remember-the- depression- you- will- have- when- they- grow-up-and- leave- the- nest” husband issued this  gem of wisdom to our 3 ½ year old boy.  Our boy, with his innocent blue eyes looked at his father and promptly proceeded to “pee” on the wall, complete with sound effects.  Upon seeing this blatant disregard for my husband’s wishes, I did the only thing a sensible mother of two would do.  I walked away.  Some might call me a coward.  That’s all right.  These people either don’t have children or forgot the wacky world children inhabit, sucking their parents along with them.  Besides, my husband, the strapping man he is, can handle a toddler the size of an overgrown elf.

                Sadly, the peeing on the wall incident stands not as the craziest thing my husband and I have uttered since we brought our first child home.  Unbeknownst to us, the sweet bundle of baby we brought home would eventually talk, or, gasp, do something incredibly ridiculous causing me or my husband to combine words never meant to share a sentence.    “Plungers are icky!  We don’t lick them!”  I consider this one of my most stellar mother moments.  But what else can a toddler do to entertain himself in the bathroom while his mommy showers? 

                Having one child renders insanely stupid quotes, but when a second child comes along, the insanity only doubles.  One such moment occurred when our youngest, a tiny lad of one and a half, had a bad cause of diarrhea.  My husband, who seems to always be at the center of excitement, exclaims “Why can’t this kid quit peeing out of his butt!”  Our oldest, who loves being part of the action, answers with wisdom only a three-year-old can manage:  “Maybe it’s because he’s a girl, maybe.”  I believe my husband was struck dumb…not an easy task.

                Amid the eye-rolls, looks of shock, and hidden giggles, my husband and I manage to cope with the crazy, wacky things we say as parents and the off-the-wall sound bites our children come up with.  Until my boys are old enough for me to say “You’re grounded till you turn 30!” I will content myself with constantly repeating this understated advice… “Because I’m your mother!”

                Hit me with your own hilarious, insane, ridiculous words or phrases that have echoed in the halls of your home, the aisles of Wal-Mart, or the booths of restaurants,  and together we will compile a list of endless “words of wisdom”.