OK ladies this one’s for you. What are you thinking? Seriously, do you know what comes out of your mouth and the problematic position this puts us guys in sometimes? Generally speaking, men abide by a simple rule. If you don’t want the answer, don’t ask the question. Because of this, men are able to maintain friendships for decades without any drama. I can’t think of a time when I asked a buddy of mine if Kevin’s hair looked better than mine (yes Kevin, we all know it does.), or if a certain guy was “prettier” than me, or if a particular shirt made me look as skanky as _____. Never mind that _____ is one of the “friends” we’re going out with that same evening. I mean really! A woman asking another woman these questions is one thing. It’s what you do, I accept that. Here’s where I have a problem though. I have a problem with women asking men questions like these.
I find myself in the van (the second most likely place to be put in this position, the bedroom being the first) minding my own business. My wife makes a comment about how good another mom from our daycare looks after having so many kids. With this statement I’m stuck. If I agree I’m admitting to looking. If I stay silent I might as well say “She’s hot and you’re ugly”. At least that will be the perceived message I’ll be sending. If I choose to word craft a response (which my dumb @$& seems to do more often than not) I might as well be salsa dancing in a mine field. Now I must confess. My wife has never flipped out because of one of my “answers” to any of her “questions”. That is irrelevant. As men we are conditioned to live by the motto “happy wife, happy life”. What if this time I say the wrong thing? No more “happy wife”!
I like lists so here’s a list of things you should never ask or say to the men in your life. If you ask or say ANY of these, you should NEVER expect an honest answer or a response.
- Do these jeans make my butt look fat? (Or any variation of this)
- Did you see how much cleavage she was showing? (There is no correct answer for this)
- Do you think I nag to much?
- Can I come with? (Only applies if we are going out with friends to watch the game)
- What do you say about me to your friends?
- Where would you like to eat? (If you know the answer to this, just say it)
- Why don’t these fit me anymore?
- Do guys really find that sexy? (If you have to ask, the answer is probably yes)
- Watching the game can’t be that important, can it?
- What is my biggest flaw?
- Why don’t you answer when I call?
- Do you mind if I just go to bed?
- How can you guys think about “it” so much? (don’t ask, we have no idea ourselves)
Remember the “happy wife, happy life” thing? Because of that it’s important for me to mention that Jessica hasn’t used all of these. Please share below any questions or comments you have used or heard.
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