If You Have Trouble Cracking an Egg…

          I am a self-diagnosed gadget-hater.  It’s true.  I hate gadgets:  kitchen gadgets, technological gadgets, powered gadgets, battery-operated gadgets.  You name it…I hate it.  Sadly, much like Paula Abdul’s one and only hit, “Opposites Attract” (does anybody else find that video a little creepy?) I married a rabid gadget lover.  My husband, through a recessive gene stuck in his family tree, inherited an infatuation with anything that beeps, buzzes, blinks, whirls, spins, and speaks.  At times I have the urge to sic all his “precious” gadgets upon him…but I don’t.  I want him around for a long time; his gadgets, however, can go the way of the Dodo bird. 

           

For years I’ve tried to psycho-analyze my husband’s obsession.  I’ve finally figured it out:  infomercials!  They’re not just for late-night TV anymore; they’re everywhere.  Any time of day, any day of the week, there exists, through the magical world of media, a doodad to fix any and all conundrums.  Having trouble cracking an egg?  No problem, there’s a solution for that.  Don’t have time to stir your gravy and peel potatoes at the same time?  There’s a fix for that.  Can’t reach your feet to give those piggies a good, well-deserved scrub?  There’s an invention just for you.  Hate to wear jeans when all you really want is to veg in your sweats?  Well, the best thing since sliced bread in a plastic bag is at a Wal-Mart near you.  Don’t want to take the time to pour a glass of California orange juice?  There’s a device just for you with freshly squeezed juice ready in just ten minutes.  Love wearing your comfy footie jammies, but hate when you accidentally get the sleeves in the toilet when you need to use the bathroom?  Now, with the handy-dandy butt-flap, you don’t even need to mess with taking off your nighttime apparel. 

          I know, I know…some gadgets are useful.  Things like the Ahh Bra, if you consider a bra a gadget, have tempted me in the “As Seen on TV” aisle in Wal-Mart.  As I reach for the box with the magic bra in it, I have to talk myself off the ledge.  I remind myself that I hate gadgets and that a glorified sports bra isn’t going to make my girls make my husband go wild.  As for the nifty Swivel Store which will organize my spice cabinet to resemble that of an OCD profession chef’s spice collection, I’ve yet to obliterate my inherited stinginess and drop the twenty bucks for it! 

          So, for you gadget-lovers, or gadget-haters who are related or married to gadget-lovers, get your Christmas list ready.  Who knows, as that special someone opens his/her very own can of Flex Seal Leak Stopper, you just might brighten their world one gadget at a time!